used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
