Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
