I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
