yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
