I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
