I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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