So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
