Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
