He had one of those small greek statue penises
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
