He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
