You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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