I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have feelings that need drinking.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
