We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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