3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
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