Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
