at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
