I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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