I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
