if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
