I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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