Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
