someone threw a dead crab at me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
