"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
