I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
