my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
