Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
