I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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