i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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