someone get that fucking seahorse.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
