She is in my trunk
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
