shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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