Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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