and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
