Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
my being single is dangerous.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
