There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
