When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
