so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
