Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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