So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Randomize
