Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
