is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
