My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
