Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
