Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
