yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
