i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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