well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
