i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
two words: eviction party
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
