I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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