I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
