Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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