i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
